Change: /CHānj/ v. – make or become different
Change is one of those things that makes my stomach twist, turn, and cringe. In other words, it doesn’t agree with me… Yes it is true, I am a young millennial who doesn’t do change well. It seems like everyone I know my age can’t wait to travel, explore, and move as far away from their hometown as soon as possible. I envy those peers of mine. I see pictures, videos, and hear stories of their adventure and for a moment I crave it. I can’t wait to take an Uber to the airport, hop on a plane to a foreign country, stay at the airBnB with no reviews, and not come back for a month! Only to be shot down by that dark voice telling me, “No Breezy. That’s not you. You don’t do change.”
This week my husband and I have moved for the third time this year. I couldn’t help but feel my anxiety begin to heighten as the days drew closer. I did everything I could to try to prepare my heart and my mind for the move in order to avoid overwhelming anxiety.
I hate the idea of being three hours away from our families, but I also know that this is where God is calling us to be during this stage in our life.
I spent time praying and talking to people about the move. I truly was excited about it, but I also was suppressing the fear that my anxiety would take over my life like it did months ago. I did my best to address the fear, but also didn’t want to spend too much time dwelling on it.
When moving day came, we loaded up the Uhaul and said goodbye to our small hometown, knowing that if it is God’s will, we might not be moving back here again. My father-in-law so willingly took the day off to drive the Uhaul for us, along with my sister-in-law who drove through “city” traffic so we could keep both our cars up there. My husband drove his car and I drove my car.
This was my heart preparation time. I had three hours of driving by myself to get my heart in the right place. I spent time praying and asking God to calm my heart. I kept my radio off the whole way and did my best to get all my fear out.
The problem was, I wasn’t “getting my fear out”. I was allowing it to stir and consume my mind.
I spent our first night feeling sick to my stomach and in tears because I missed what was comfortable. I was tired of having to change. My sweet husband listened compassionately and spoke words that I know came directly from God because the moment I heard them, I felt peace.
Although it has only been three days since moving in, I can already feel myself settling in. I go back to the basics of asking God to make me a woman of courage and strength and I pray against fear. I don’t allow myself to overthink my fears, but instead take my thoughts captive.
Change means to make or become different. I can allow satan to whisper fear and lies into my life or I can become different. I can allow God to shape me into the woman he wants to be. This season comes with a lot of change but it is also a season of major growth. Without hardships, without the fear that consumed my life, I wouldn’t be able to find my strength. I wouldn’t be the woman God calls me to be.
There is no doubt in my mind that these first few months will be hard and satan is going to throw every punch he can to get me to fall back into the darkness of anxiety, but I am choosing to fight. To fight against the fear and the unknown. But I am also choosing to embrace the change. To allow myself to be molded by the creator. I may not be the stereotypical millennial that chases change and adventure, but I’m learning that it’s okay. God created me uniquely for a purpose. He also created you uniquely for a purpose. It’s okay—in fact, it’s great—when you don’t fit the mold society creates for us.
We need to embrace change as an opportunity for growth.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5